Going Home

What would you do if you knew you were going to die next Monday? What if you got to pick the day you die? What if you knew, without a doubt, that it was your time to die? What if you knew for sure that Father wanted you home now? How would you spend your time? What loose ends would you need to tie up? What arrangements would need to be made? Who would you want there with you when you die? Would you be scared to step into the unknown? Is there anything you have not done in your lifetime that you'd want to do before Monday?

These are things I've been thinking about for the past few weeks. There's a young couple in our ward and the wife has chosen to die next Monday. Few people get to choose the day they die and have the luxury of preparing for it. This young couple are probably in their mid twenties and the wife has Lou Gehrig's disease. She has been on life support for probably over a year. She sent a letter to many ward members the first week of January telling them of her decision to be taken off life support and inviting them to a big party in celebration of her life at Thanksgiving Point last Saturday. She knows that she has been called home and now is the time. She will be taken off life support on Monday.

In many ways, I think this transition will be much more difficult for her husband than for her. It seems that it's harder when you are the one left behind...in death, in friends or family moving away, in long absences. Her husband has cared for her every need for over a year, feeding her, clothing her, working from home so he could take care of her, even learning how to put on her make-up.

In some ways I think it's better not to know the date and time when your life will end because you just go on living normally until the surprise comes. It seems more momentous when you can plan for it.

I would hope that if I got to choose my departure date that I wouldn't feel like I had to run around fixing anything. I hope that I have been fixing things along the way so that I wouldn't have any regrets.

I guess it doesn't really matter how long or short your life is, the only thing that matters is how you lived it. How you treated other people, how you followed your convictions and were true to yourself, how you tried your hardest to obey God, how you strove to be a better person by pushing yourself, setting goals, and always trying to learn new things.

By the way, I have a living will somewhere in a box in my basement.

I LOVE WINTER!!

I know that people think I'm crazy when I tell them my favorite season is winter...but it's true! I think that a blanket of fresh snow makes everything look so stunning. I love it when light hits the snow just right and it sparlkes. Snow feels quiet to me. It even dulls the sound of the bustle of traffic. It feels calming. As if it's saying, "Slow down." And it DOES make us slow down, literally. When we're driving in it and walking in it.
Winter feels cozy to me. It makes me want to snuggle in a blanket and drink hot chocolate. I like it when the skin on your face tightens up when you go outside. It's magical that you can see your breath as you exhale. I was talking to my former Chinese professor, Zhu Yong Min, just a few weeks ago and he says he really misses winter in Salt Lake now that he has moved to California. He talked about feeling your face tighten up when you go out.

When I say I love snow, someone inevitably asks me if I like to drive in it. And the answer is yes! I don't like driving in it with other people--stupid people, like the guy who rear ended me a few years ago because he was tailgating me one morning when it was VERY slippery. But when I can stay far away from other cars, I like the challenge of driving in the snow.

I don't have to do yardwork during the winter or "pretend" like I'm gardening. Even though I do have to shovel snow, it comes at random and unpredictable times. Not like mowing and watering the lawn that you have to do regularly...or pay the price of a ratty-looking yard if you don't keep up with it.

I love living in a place where there are 4 distinct seasons. When you're tired of a long, cold Winter, the Spring is all that much more welcome and delightful. How can you appreciate the delicious warming of Spring if you have never known the biting cold of winter? I think that those who pass through cold Winters have much more appreciation for the Spring when it comes.